Momma Ntozake said "Ever since I realized, there was someone called a colored girl or an evil woman, a bitch or a nag I been trying not to be that and leave bitterness in somebody else's cup."
And she found out she was wrong. If bitter is how you feel you gotta be that to get free. If evil is what's burning through your veins you got to wallow in it for your own safety. If bitching & nagging is what is on your heart, it's in your own personal best interest to indulge them, give them a voice & a platform as opposed to wrenching them out of your soul in pursuit of fake sweetness & performed contentment.
It's the monster we truly are that gnaws through our chains. It's the devil that lurks in our souls that devours our abusers. It's the succubus dwelling in every molecule of our inner parts that grants us the most heartfelt sighs of ecstasy.
As long as you scared of, ashamed of and spend every waking moment hiding the truest parts of yourself you will be a slave to whatever role society deems you fit for-mammy, mule, breeder. It's only your own head, the deepest darkest realest you, who wants to see you relieved of your burden & free, happy & fulfilled.
Release the GATDAMN kraken & quit playin witcho own self!
Switching my thinking to embrace the darkness in myself has aligned me with so many more opportunities to thrive. I've chosen Medusa as my dark goddess and when I feel afraid to be who or what I am I wonder WWMD (what would medusa do?.) She would lash out, fight, scream, whatever to honor and protect herself. And so shall I. My emotions are valid. I will not be quiet to be accepted.
I find this to be true more and more everyday! I was holding in so much anger and resentment towards people that hurt me to the point that I was hurting and killing myself . My c section scar would sting anytime someone that I cared about would do something or say something to hurt me. It took me a while to notice and awhile to stick up for myself but I finally said fuck all that and fuck all of yal ! Haven’t had any pain since