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there is wonder working power in your selfishness

Updated: Jul 27, 2022


Some days, most days in fact, I feel like everyone on Earth is encouraged to be selfish except for Black women. Let me explain, if a young man became a father and his circumstances were such that he was the best parent for the child to live with, no one would discourage his expectations that the mother assist him in caring for the child financially and socially. Meaning, she would buy stuff for the child and watch the child when he needed her to. Black women are expected not to get any financial or social help with child rearing, even from the childs other parents. If you suffer a trauma , but love your job and want to keep it in the midst of dealing with the trauma, your job offers therapy and leave and other options to help you navigate those circumstances. Black women are routinely abused and assaulted and come of age in ways and places that are deeply traumatic and when we ask for help or even just react to the trauma, we are called bitter, told to choose better or angrily asked who hurt you? Being raised and socialized this way, kept me stuck and low and depressed and hurt. I was delivered the moment I became as selfish as every one else on the planet. In my mind, I call it 'being the nigga'. After observing the behaviours of my exes, my brothers and my daddys...I decided one day to simply 'be the nigga'. What I mean by that is, I decided to act in the way every man around me acted. This amounted to the utmost of selfishness, but it was powerfully liberating. It was PURE MAGICK! Instead of working around everyone elses schedule I worked around what was most easy and comfortable for me, and guess what? People figured it out! Instead of quietly sitting and waiting to recognized and praised, I begin to sing my own praises and advocate fiercely for myself...and guess what? People agreed and sang with me!!! Instead of pinching pennies to make life happen and staying in survival mode, I loudly told the people around me that I needed help and made sure they knew exactly how to help me, with dollar amounts when necessary...and gues s what? They helped! happily and lovingly!!! Selfishness is a pair of ruby slippers on the feet of a black woman! It allows us to clink them together and conjure exactly what we need and want. See the truth is, as long as we continue to sacrifice ourselves for everybody and everything...they will let us. But the moment we stand up and say no, these are the things I want and need and refuse to accept less...life rushes to meet that need. Let got of the desire to be the good girl, the giving girl, the easy going girl and embrace that tiny voice inside you that has been telling you your whole life to be the BIG BAD WITCH! ....I promise you'll thank me later...ecstasy, abundance and bliss

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5 Comments


Traci Williams
Traci Williams
Sep 22, 2022

Yassssss!!! I've been practicing that for quite some time now and it got me a whole husband. I was cool being single but just like you said it's majik in being selfish. I have rules and regulations thats apart of my package deal. Deal with it or don't! He deals with it. Honestly, I may revert back to that maiden state of doing to damn much, but I snap outta that shit real quick. Because he'll start feeling himself a little bit, Then I go right back to my beautiful black selfishness then all goes well😌 But being almost 5Won has its perks, I've had a little bit of practice!😉

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Excellent message! The courage to ask and expect to get what I need required me to create the community around me that I could depend on.

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LaToya Gladney
LaToya Gladney
Jul 24, 2022

I’m definitely working on this. Constantly working to prove I was “good” to those around me left me drained and in lack. Taking even the smallest steps towards my own dreams and desires has changed my life drastically from where it was 2 years ago... Saying, “No, this isn’t what I want” pushed some people away but propelled me toward a satisfaction I never felt as an adult and helped me accomplish goals and set me on a path I only dreamed of before. This year I want to take BIG steps! I’m working toward being bolder and confident in new opportunity, and not shy away from them because I don’t feel “good enough”. Not being afraid to speak up…

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Mickey
Mickey
Jul 20, 2022

This resonated deeply. I keep reminding myself that I deserve to prioritize myself. And if people don’t understand that, that’s ok. My job is not to try to convince them to understand. My job is to be brave enough to live authentically to who I am.

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The Iyalosa
The Iyalosa
Jul 21, 2022
Replying to

Exactly 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

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