there is wonder working power in your selfishness

Some days, most days in fact, I feel like everyone on Earth is encouraged to be selfish except for Black women. Let me explain, if a young man became a father and his circumstances were such that he was the best parent for the child to live with, no one would discourage his expectations that the mother assist him in caring for the child financially and socially. Meaning, she would buy stuff for the child and watch the child when he needed her to. Black women are expected not to get any financial or social help with child rearing, even from the childs other parents. If you suffer a trauma , but love your job and want to keep it in the midst of dealing with the trauma, your job offers therapy and leave and other options to help you navigate those circumstances. Black women are routinely abused and assaulted and come of age in ways and places that are deeply traumatic and when we ask for help or even just react to the trauma, we are called bitter, told to choose better or angrily asked who hurt you? Being raised and socialized this way, kept me stuck and low and depressed and hurt. I was delivered the moment I became as selfish as every one else on the planet. In my mind, I call it 'being the nigga'. After observing the behaviours of my exes, my brothers and my daddys...I decided one day to simply 'be the nigga'. What I mean by that is, I decided to act in the way every man around me acted. This amounted to the utmost of selfishness, but it was powerfully liberating. It was PURE MAGICK! Instead of working around everyone elses schedule I worked around what was most easy and comfortable for me, and guess what? People figured it out! Instead of quietly sitting and waiting to recognized and praised, I begin to sing my own praises and advocate fiercely for myself...and guess what? People agreed and sang with me!!! Instead of pinching pennies to make life happen and staying in survival mode, I loudly told the people around me that I needed help and made sure they knew exactly how to help me, with dollar amounts when necessary...and gues s what? They helped! happily and lovingly!!! Selfishness is a pair of ruby slippers on the feet of a black woman! It allows us to clink them together and conjure exactly what we need and want. See the truth is, as long as we continue to sacrifice ourselves for everybody and everything...they will let us. But the moment we stand up and say no, these are the things I want and need and refuse to accept less...life rushes to meet that need. Let got of the desire to be the good girl, the giving girl, the easy going girl and embrace that tiny voice inside you that has been telling you your whole life to be the BIG BAD WITCH! ....I promise you'll thank me later...ecstasy, abundance and bliss